A generation gap or generational gap is a difference of opinions between one generation and another regarding beliefs, politics, or values that often leads to clashes which raises concerns regarding the validity of the authority of elders. In Indian culture, elders are respected as they enjoy higher social status and authority in family and society at large, however to what extent the modern generation is willing to accept the ‘forced imposition’ of such an authority as ‘cultural, moral norm’?
The Clash of Generations: Emotional Neglect and Abuse in the Youth of Today
India’s culture is grounded in conservative values and norms that dare not question the authority of elders. The role of a parent in the Indian community is mainly limited to that of a provider, a guide and a figure of authority. Here, it is common to see many parents being unfamiliar with the concept of “emotional support” because of the age-old and persistent culture of treating parents as “gods”. But it is not enough to nurture a child under conditions set by parents who project their unfulfilled dreams on their offspring. It does not ensure the happiness of the child and fails to adjust with the dynamics of the new propagandas and ideals that their child is exposed to.
The neglect children face due to parents that emotionally fail to respond to their thoughts and opinions can often be seen as an accidental form of abuse. Disregarding a child’s feelings over topics and objects that may be insignificant to adults can lead to gradual but subtle changes in the child, which can be too late to rectify if not noticed in time. Parents who provide the required necessities for their child’s growth and development need to understand the key role of emotional support. When parents cast their own insecurities and resentments on their children, they do not consider the emotional scars that they are inflicting on their own flesh and blood. The amount of emotional neglect in their child’s youth and the subsequent manipulation that comes to light with age messes with the mentality of the child as an adult. The lack of attention to a child’s emotional mentality will eventually cause the child to assume that their opinions are irrelevant and that they have to cope with their feelings by themselves.
When parents ignore the problems that their child is facing instead of sitting down to listen and understand, over time, the child begins to move away from the parents on an emotional level, believing that their sentiments are not important. There has to be proper implementation for recognizing such problems of neglect so that both parent and child can understand each other without jeopardising any relationship.
The consequences of emotionally neglecting one’s own child can have detrimental effects when the same children grow into adults. It can greatly risk the neglected children to mature into adults that do not understand how to deal with their feelings because of low self-esteem and the validation that they failed to receive as a kid. The most common effects of childhood neglect in adulthood include Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, poor self-discipline, guilt and feelings of inadequacy, anger issues and many more mental disorders. These young adults become obsessed with independence and cannot find themselves capable of relying on anyone else. In the absence of decent emotional support, the neglected children find it difficult to show compassion to themselves and carry a self-blaming attitude. This act of manipulation and ignorance pushes them to continue the cycle of abuse into the next generation of children because of the lack of emotional support as a child.
When parents prioritize their children’s educational and social achievements over their moral values, they disrupt the children’s emotional development and create a stressful environment. The constant need to control every aspect of their child’s life has become second nature among Indian parents, if their child does not follow through with their decree then the silent treatment or verbal abuse that may follow is fully justified in their side. Also, when parents begin to participate in the unspoken competition of society, the ones bearing the brunt force of criticisms always end up being the children. Such pressure makes them lose the drive to learn and seek new things because of the insistent need to be perfect and better than the person next to them. The tendency to be perfectionists in a flawed society is ironic but indisputable, causing clashes between the opinions of the new generation and the old. The obsession that most parents have with good grades and the insatiable expectations that follow become burdens that make their children more focused on maintaining their grades instead of actually learning things that’ll help them adapt to the real world when they become independent adults. The academic achievements of a child does not always display their talents and worth but the deep-rooted delusion that government jobs are the way to a better life distracts parents from recognising the capabilities of their children, leading them to invalidate the struggles of the child because of their age.
It is hard to educate a culture that has blindly followed the norm of respecting elders no matter the situation. Emotional abuse is common and normalised and is used to instil fear in order to assure obedience. The narcissistic sense of entitlement that many parents have been exposed to is used to force children into following their will, leading to a toxic codependent relationship that only serves to harm and stress both the parties involved.
It is not enough for children to bring a whole new perspective to cultural bias; parents as well as elders before them have to be educated on the changing times and taught the importance of emotionally supporting the child in their care. There is an undeniable gap in exposure between the different age-groups that creates walls in conversations and compromise. This problem must be overturned by encouraging parents to understand the concept of individuality, depression, trauma, and other emotional needs that exist among the youths of the present age. Though it is understandable that the harm parents inflict on their child’s mentality may not be intentional because of their different viewpoints, they have to accept the fact that the world is changing and is very much different from what they had to go through during their own youth. It is a notable fact that parents want the best for their children – such as a well paid stable life without any suffering. This goal doesn’t necessarily have to be achieved through the path they have chosen for their child because no one knows what the future will bring in a life that a child has no interest in. Their concern and anxiety over their own experiences makes them forget that happiness cannot be appreciated without suffering and that every failure and success, regardless of their relevance to it, is a byproduct of human life. A parent’s love and support is a requisite for the growth of a child and it is the response that will encourage them to pursue greater heights without compromising their well-being.
Degree of Thought is a weekly community column initiated by Tetso College in partnership with The Morung Express. Degree of Thought will delve into the social, cultural, political and educational issues around us. The views expressed here do not reflect the opinion of the institution. Tetso College is a NAAC Accredited UGC recognised Commerce and Arts College. The editors are Dr Hewasa Lorin, Dr. Aniruddha Babar, Aienla A, Rinsit B Sareo, Meren Lemtur and Kvulo Lorin.
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