Good listening allows us to demonstrate that we are paying attention to the thoughts, feelings and behaviours of the other person (seeing the world through others’ eyes). This is crucial in maintaining productive relationships, and sometimes the only way to establish meaningful communication. This week’s article focuses on understanding how to practice good communication in our day to day life with friends, family, and significant others to increase our self-esteem, improve relationships, and even becoming a better and wiser person.
Let Us Learn to Listen More
An old proverb says that“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. To answer before listening- that is folly and shame.”
Presently, humans are living in a generation where lives are marked with docket. At a great deal we frequently hear people say “Today is a world where wise men live.” Owing to that, people do multitasking at the same time and this spontaneously affects the quality of listening where we end up being more eager to give responses instead of listening carefully.
The courtesy of prioritizing listening to listen one’s speech then share responses and opinions regarding the subject matter has become deficient whether be it in family, society, workplace, educational institution or friends circle. For instance, whenever we are on call in mobile phones, we tend to multi-task by chatting through messages with another person or do some other chores neglecting the importance of listening, resulting in distancing the relationship, understanding and love.
As the proverb says, many a times we utter our speeches without listening carefully and understanding. This is how we become a fool. Our family, relatives, neighbors, friends and loved ones wish to have conversations expecting us to listen carefully but like a fool, we are more concerned about replying back on what we think before listening carefully often saying something irrelevant or hurting their sentiments.
We live in a time where we do not bother listening to what the speaker has to say and instead fight for turns to speak on what we know and is the best for us. This clearly shows we have no respect for the other person .
Family is the institution where happiness blooms for an individual but because of our inconsiderate and domineering nature we end up pushing each other away based on assumptions. The art of good conversation is lost forever just because we refuse to spend some time listening as our mind is clouded by assumptions. When we don’t listen to each other trust deficit builds up in the family and familial values disappear into thin air. t The youths of today cannot achieve a definite goal because they lack in taking advice and listening to words of wisdom.
Mental illness arises when people cannot understand one another and this issue is becoming prominent in the world today. Of the many skills and techniques designed by psychologists to approach mental health, ‘Listening Carefully’ is one of the most important.. Listening skills can be defined as what our ears hear by absorbing the information clearly and giving out a good explanation of what is heard.
Listening and hearing are two different components in conversations. “Hearing” refers to whatever random sounds our ear perceives. There is no effort of understanding in hearing. Whereas, “listening” refers to what our ear perceives by putting our heart and soul to understand. When listening is practiced, we are showing love, respect and concern to the speaker in trying to understand him/her. Listening is important as it prevents us from creating misunderstandings and it enhances our relationship . The art of listening is one of the best gifts through which trust is built and when there is trust every other aspect in a relationship stands to gain.
To listen carefully, one should try to understand what is being said, how it is said, and what is not said. At the same time, emotional reactions produced by the speaker should also be taken into account.
People use different techniques to convey their thoughts. Along with verbal language, gestures and facial expressions are also produced such as not making eye contact, speaking without flow, restless behavior, laughing hysterically, etc. . To be a good listener, one should also include the reading of inner heart language as well. A good listener always keeps track of both verbal and non-verbal cues .
Weaknesses in listening occurs due to our selective listening, partial listening and superficial listening directing our thoughts to another world. Of course, we cannot deny some barriers that keep us away from listening carefully. When a conversation is on, we are distracted by environmental barriers like passersby outside, songs, animals, children paying and many more. Also psychological barriers like thinking about another work or another problem hinders our listening skills. Being judgmental without listening carefully to the conversation is also another barrier. Likewise, there are many more reasons to keep us away from listening carefully resulting in not keeping the conversation alive. When the speaker notices that the listener is disturbed, a heartfelt intimate sharing could not be expressed.
In the field of psychotherapy, “A good counsellor should be a good listener.” In our everyday life, we can all strive to be good listeners and help each other by understanding each other. It is only through listening we can understand the other person and therefore there is no substitute to ‘listening’ if we want to understand someone or their circumstance.
In a fast moving world today we need to be people who are swift to listen and slow to speak. Let us keep in mind that “only fools rush in”. Listening is something which everyone performs daily, but to listen carefully is less daunted. In order to have a peaceful living, understanding is essential which comes only from listening carefully and by being a good listener.
Degree of Thought is a weekly community column initiated by Tetso College in partnership with The Morung Express. Degree of Thought will delve into the social, cultural, political and educational issues around us. The views expressed here do not reflect the opinion of the institution. Tetso College is a NAAC Accredited UGC recognised Commerce and Arts College. The editors are Dr Hewasa Lorin, Dr. Aniruddha Babar, Dr. Pfokrelo Kapesa, Rinsit B Sareo, Meren Lemtur and Kvulo Lorin.
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